Saw Eddie Izzard on the 'Sharon Osbourne Show' (on sky one - another of Murdoch's ventures, although a small part of the larger whole known and Sky Broadcasting who pretty much have a monopoly of satelite television in this country) and I'm like "WooHoo! Eddie Izzard!". So I sit and wait. I see a seemingly mediocre female african-american standup comedian with her own sitcom shy away from truely insulting George W. Bush, I see a truely mediocre white male standup comedian with his own sitcom nauseate me with his oblique references to the American Dream, and I see Sharon being her usual charming self, which also got kind of nauseating. Then on comes Eddie. He looks weird without makeup, he looks old, but it's definately him. I wait for his surreal-anarchic persona to explode in front of the cameras. No such luck.

"This is America, sweetie. If you wanna make it over here, on teevee, you gotta play the bland entertainment game, play nicey-nicey with the natives, and try like fuck not to talk about politics..."

I can see that he's dying to let rip, but his manager has obviously warned him about being completely himself, you know, persona wise. A couple of minutes pass and that's it... YOU MEAN I SAT THROUGH THIS SHIT FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES OF EDDIE IZZARD WITH THE VOLUME TURNED DOWN?!!?? Obviously, my hopes were too high, but goddammit! It's not everyday you see Eddie Izzard on american teevee being shown in britain on a network owned by the same guy who owns Fox and the majority of the tabloids in britain, is it? No, it isn't.

Anyway, I just want you to know, Eddie, that I forgive you. I understand the constraints you must of been under appearing on American Television. I know the score. All I ask is an autographed tube of yr lipstick, y'know, so I can sell it on Ebay and purge these feelings of disillusionment with cold hard cash.