04 April 2005

lists are fun/lists are great/lists help you procrastinate

You woulda thought, what with three weeks half-term holiday, that the frequency of posts on this site would of increased. Well, you'd be wrong. I'm getting terribly apathetic towards this place, although that may be a general malaise, and as such l∅ckedinab∅x has become somewhat of the blog equiviliant of a ghost-town, or at least it's getting there. There are three options in my eyes as to its fate;

  1. carry on in this lathargic fashion, like a lame donkey that should probably be shot , and would be, if you weren't kinda fond of its grey, limping ass (no pun intended...maybe).

  2. blast the place off the ether; thus putting an end to a personal project that has lasted way longer than any other project of mine, leaving my mind time to focus without guilt on other things instead of waking up in the morning and staring blankly at it, checking the hits, reading the tagboard, and posting a couple of links in a halfarsed fashion.

  3. Reinvent this place into something I once again find interesting and inspiring, moving l∅ckedinab∅x to the next level of something, whatever that something may be.

I foresee something between 1. and 3. Thing is, I need focus to pull number 3 off, and right now I've got less focus than a mallrat on californian orange multi-tasking between watching MTV cribs, listening to avril lavange, and txting hir legions of prepubescent hoardes about the latest altpop hearthrobs and whether or not they're getting fat and spotty when they should really be doing their maths homework.

I've got way too much going on in my head, a side-effect of me trying to be superproductive, but instead of this resulting in me getting shit done its turned me into even more of a procrastinator. Things I've thought about doing/have to do;

  • write ambitious essay on secretary using the superdense writings of michel foucault as a focal point of the analysis.
  • write dissertation proposal; I'm doing mine on a compare/contrast of french new wave and generation X cinema focusing on a historipolicultural context.
  • start up alternative 'alternative' club night.
  • write remaining scenes for howl adaptation; gotta write adverts and gameshow scenes, maybe some pseudopenuniversity style stuff too.
  • help local mosherkids make music video
  • reinvent l∅ckedinab∅x into student/independant/guerilla film-making portal and collective home for myself and my handful of extremely talented and creative friends, thus making it something concrete and serious.
  • help some other guy from grassroots make his film; I'm gonna be in front of the camera, not behind it.
  • Seriously work on my writing, from a non-filmaking perspective.

and so on. If I thought some more I could probably come up with more for the list. Unfortunately, it is the fact that the list exists that has me paralysed with fear; I can't seem to get past the 'ideas' stage, but I guess that's the real test, isn't it? Whether or not you can. The word 'life hurdle' springs to mind, although it probably shouldn't as having such a word in my mind would probably lead to more neurotic panicking. As much as it bugs me to admit it...

* ( dramatic pause ) *

my worst enemy is myself.

And now I must leave you, as I am bored of my own ramblings. See what I mean about the lack of focus? I should really go anyway, as I've gotta pile through Foucault's 'History of Sexuality vol.2' which is subtitled 'the uses of pleasure', I think. Man, I'm up to my fillings in dense academic sexicultipolitithinginess. Why couldn't I just of gone for something simple?