Steak… Steak… Steak…

All I can think about is steak.

I’m lying in bed at nearly 3 in the morning thinking about steak. I’ve been involuntarily living the life of a vegetarian for the past two weeks. Meat costs more than vegetables. I’m really quite hungry. I had a huge plate of pasta for dinner, scrambled egg and toast for lunch and vegetable soup for brunch (I think I had a banana for breakfast) and now I’m hungry again.

I landed that kitchen job today So I’ve promised myself a big juicy steak. I shall find the finest beef merchant in Newport and buy myself a nice expensive cut of meat. I shall find a good way to prepare it in a book or online and I will cook it rare, perhaps with some new potatoes, or maybe the old ones I’ve got downstairs. I will feast on the flesh of a dead animal, blood dribbling down my chin, and it will be bliss. Sheer. F*cking. Bliss.

Of course, money is only a problem for the next week or so. On the 16th I get my phat student loan. With money from a job coming in as well I shall be rolling in it. Think I’ll open a savings account and start a travelling fund.

I’ve never really thought about becoming a vegetarian. I understand the ethical reasons for doing so, and I am sympathetic to the cause, I really am. I also understand the scientific and health reasons for doing so. Frankly, I don’t care. I like meat. I love meat. I am a hedonist at heart. I revel in sensation, and eating meat is certainly that. Why should I deny myself the pleasure? I mean, it wouldn’t be very hedonistic of me, would it? I remember reading somewhere something somebody said, that animals are innocent like nothing else in this world is. They are our permanent victims; we raise them to be slaughtered, usually in abominable circumstances, crammed into tiny cages, forcefed the ground up corpses of their brethren (that’s how BSE started, don’t you know), pumped full of growth hormones to makes them fatter and juicier more quickly, and it really is disgusting. It truly is. The thing is I can’t get rid of this nagging thought that, if it were sheep or cows who had the advantage of higher brain functions, and if they ate meat, they would be doing the same to us. After all, we’re really not that much more advanced, apart from the bigger brains, than any other creature on this planet. We’re still governed by the same biological and memetic compulsions that dictate the behaviour of bacteria. You think a lion is gonna give a fuck about the conditions you are raised in before your cut up and sold to him in a supermarket? Yeah, right. Of course, Lions are true carnivores. We’ll eat anything, omnivores don’t you know, but not a lion. It’s gotta meat, meat, meat!

You may ask yourself how I can possibly justify this attitude in the face of such enlightenment. But I came to terms with not only the innate contradictions of my self but also in those of humanity in general a long time ago. Justification is like a bed time story your mother tells you to help you sleep. It’s there to make you feel better about yourself, more comfortable, that is all.

But don’t forget, like Morrisey said; “Meat is Murder” – you just gotta ask yourself if you can deal with that hanging over your head.

I know I can.

I think I’ll have some more toast.