everybody must get stoned

nah dude, not weed, that's so passe. Strychnine is where it's at now, shot straight into your eyeball. Death is the new 'hip' high. One hit and your gone. It's that good. yeah, right.

What is this, degenerates annonymous? Why does the spectre of William S. Burroughs continue to taint my thoughts? What is that after-taste that refuses to be washed away? How come I keep finding more of his acolytes? small fragile junkies wandering the halls, skin pale from too much Ketamine and too many nights spent on park benches, their copies of naked lunch held tight in their clammy hands. Where's the hook, man?

I can't get the 'hot shot' scene from casino out of my head, keep seeing Sharon Stone staggering down some roach-motel hallway, lost and confused, strung out and about to die. Found the image burnt into my retina when I woke up this morning. This is not good.

Spent Monday night on campus, following some completely fucked girl from dorm to dorm, from room to toilet bowl, in search of a party. Watched her fail to snort a line of coke, realised that there wasn't that much to go round. Oh well, you win some, you lose some... blah blah blah. The whole reason I was with her is because she bounced up to me in the bar and said to come back to her place for coke and hash, otherwise I was off to a birthday party. In the end I lost her and ended up sitting on some guys floor smoking weed and listening to commericial trance. Then security came and broke things up, commenting on a smell that shouldn't be there. People are so pathetic. Anyway, changed rooms and continued to smoke weed, listening to drum and bass. Woke up on the floor.

I should of gone to that birthday party.

Started shooting short on monday, from a script by my friend Tim Hole. All in all it's a disaster, or maybe I'm just cynical. Nah, we're doing okay, little rough around the edges, but we'll struggle through. Self-delusion is a vital skill when your a human being. Without it I doubt we'd be able to get out of bed in the morning.

Feel somewhat floating, unsure of exactly where I am mentally. Must be careful not to make any sudden movements, might tip the balance. I think we're shooting tonight, I think...