02 February 2005

Alkeehol and me

I've been wrestling with alcohol recently.

It seems to me, that of all the drugs that are readily (if not legally) available, Alcohol is the worst. I embarass myself when I'm relly really drunk; I lose memory, I piss all over the carpet, become very maudlin and I'm generally a shadow of my former self, and it's crap. Weed, Speed, coke, Es, mushrooms... On none of these does my dignity, personality and mental acuity suffer as much as when I'm out of my tree drunk. I have made repeated attempts to say to myself "Okay, you gotta cut down on the heavy drinking, because it's just lame" and then I go and slip and get wasted with Sacha and just end up regretting it. I'm not saying "That's it! no more beer for me!" I'm just saying I'm cutting down on the heavy drinking. Socially, I will drink, but I will only drink heavily on special occasions, when I think it's worth it... and when I haven't got a lecture the next day.

Of course, whether or not I've got the discipline to pull this off remains to be seen, I love so much the altered states, highs and buzzes, that all these things provide, but I so badly want to try. I'd much rather get blindingly stoned and fall asleep than get blindingly drunk and piss in places I really shouldn't.

This said, the alcohol high is pretty unique and does provide startling insight and thought processes. When you get bright, capable people together and add alcohol wonderful things can happen. Nothing is ever black and white, not really, and I refuse to think in such a bi-polar manner but, for myself, I must try and curb the overdrinking.

So, that be that.